Give me something real to eat?

It's not easy being here in England. I love most of it, the people especially. They are really polite and nice and welcoming and outgoing. But the food is horrible. This morning I got dizzy after breakfast, just cause it was too much sugar in it. Everything is just fat, nothing contains any energy and in addition to that I'm sitting here eating biscuits and candy. It's dangerous. I'd go fat living in this country.

I haven't even spoken about the golf. But really I'm here for England cause golf I can play at home.

day 2

Yet another day has passed and soon we're going home again I guess. The weather could have been both better and worse, but at least it didn't rain. The course wasn't the best condition and it was actually quite boring.

But tomorrow we're playing at Royal Liverpool and it is nice. It's going to be loads of fun. And we're getting to sleep a bit longer too. Nice =)

In Liverpool

I'm sitting at our bed and breakfast in Liverpool. It's dead quiet and I'm alone. The others went to get something to eat and I stayed home to talk to my love on internet. Haha, very social Caroline. My batteries won't last long and the adapter that my family gave me to bring isn't the right one. Nice. Thank you so much.

Well, the flight went well, my ears hurt but they always do so... It took about two hours so it wasn't too bad.

That's about all there is for now, but I guess there'll be plenty of more to tell later on. After all, it's four pretty intense days we have ahead of us.

With lots of love,


I've just finished two days of golf camp and tomorrow we're off to Liverpool. Really this camp was supposed to be four days, but I had to be in school the two first. It was fun, but tiring. Now I'm trying to pack my stuff, it's really boring and it'll end up with me not bringing anything of importance. I just know it. But I'm not going to pack too much, like I usually do. 
   I'm just so tired, it's not a good time thinking about this. But I'm a little confused, yesterday I was barely tired and then I'd slept for maybe three hours. But last night I went to bed at eleven, and now I'm so tired! I woke up tired and it never stopped.

Oh well, there's internet access to the hotel so you'll hear from me I guess. I'm bringing my computer so.. Yes, my focus is absolutely a hundred percent on the golf! Hrm*



Today offered really good weather. The sun was shining and it wasn't too cold. Not as warm as Tunisia of course, but...
Well, I had two tests at school. One might have gone well (you never know), but the other one went really bad. I didn't know anything! I'm so stupid, and I've promised someone to be good at school! I'm sorry. I keep disappointing everybody.
Tomorrow we have a competition! Very nice, it's usually a lot of fun. But tomorrow I'll probably be team leader and that's a little scary but it's a role I have to learn to take eventually anyway. So the weekend's full of activities and on Monday we're leaving for Liverpool! Really I should be more excited than I am, but I can't help it. There's only one place I really want to be. But it'll be fun. Hopefully.

Enjoy your weekend and your life. Life's filled with good things to focus on!


I'm trying to figure out the name of the golf course we're going to play in Liverpool. Cause I need to find out if there's some sort of internet café or something in the neighborhood. Cause I really want to be able to connect to internet while I'm there. Good focus, Caroline!

Right now I'm making dinner. Not cooking, just frying deep frozen stuff and an egg. I'm really hungry. I've bee hungry all day, wonder why... I ate breakfast like usual, I had lunch and then I got home and now I'm making dinner. I'm really concerned about what I eat, I don't want to eat too much cause I want to keep loosing weight, without being unhealthy. And I feel that if I keep going around hungry I just have to start eat more.

And really, I should study now. I have two tests tomorrow. Panic! I have barely opened my History book. It's all very stressful...


I feel so hopeless. Really I don't know what to do. And this morning I played really bad again and I just feel so failed. I don't have anything.

No, I won't sit here and complain. I changed my piercing today. It was more expensive than I thought, but what the hell. I have to clean it better I think, so that the redness disappears completely so that I can swim as fast as possible. Haha. No, really I don't care about that.. They didn't have any colours in my size at the moment so I just got one like the one I had.

It's been over a year but it can still affect me like this

Today was not an especially good day. All this old shit resurfaced at school and I just thought I was really through with it. It's funny how we're always surprised by our selves. It was really hard, I got quite emotional and I just needed someone there. I got a good hug from J, and it was nice, it came with an apology that I did not require but it was still nice. But really I needed someone else there. Someone I can't have close. All I have is a promise.

I'm asking myself "How will I cope with this?" and I don't know. I'm hoping it'll all just pass. Hoping we won't talk about it that much, cause I guess I just want to bury it again. I thought I'd gotten rid of it but apparently it was still there all along, waiting under the surface. I don't need this right now.

But a good thing is that I'm becoming really more focused on school. Eager to study to get my good grades. If not something else it is a way to make time pass. I think I'm going to read a little now, that's all I've got energy for.


It's 1 o'clock, in the night. I'm waiting for my love to connect, he was going away for a while, but he promised me he would return, so...

Things was not as I thought they were, which is good. But I'm still quite upset, but it will pass, I know that. So do not despair!

I just have this horrible pain in my knee. It just came very sudden when I bent down at the golf course to pick something up. It just sort of radiated through my knee and since then I can't really bend it or put to much pressure on it. Sure, there's always something wrong with my knees but this is one of the worst it's ever been and it hurts in another way now..

Well, I'm going to go continue waiting, feels as though I should retreat to my bed and wait there. Even though the risk is I'll fall asleep if I do...

My Immortal

Really, I have so many words just running through my head. But why should I write my own words when someone has managed to describe it so well before me?

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Because your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me
by your resonating light
But now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you´re gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

Such a busy schedule

I just thought I'd write while I remembered to. It's nine o'clock and I got back from practice about an hour ago. It was fun, but so cold. I could barely unlock my locker when we were finished. But me, J and E had a good time so it doesn't really matter. And it went kind of well too.

I'm going to read the last pages of my book now (I've got about half the book left). It's in German and it's a little bit harder than the books everyone else chose. I just chose it because it was a book that sounded more interesting than the other ones. And tonight I have to both finish it and write about it. So I've got some things to do for the next two hours. Plus I should read some History, but when will I have the time for that?

School is killing me..


I'm using my sisters computer, and it's much harder to type on this than it is on mine. And I'm warning you now, I won't spell check this input. My neck hurts cause I burned it playing golf yesterday. And a little bit today I think, as well.

I'm really tired, I went to bed around one o'clock I think. I had a hard time keeping my eyes open at the golf course, something I've never experiensed before. I mean, it's common in math class and stuff, but on the golf course?!

Sunday - but no school tomorrow!

I didn't write yesterday, but every two days is at least better than what I did before, isn't it? I'm sitting in my bed eating candy, there's bound to be a lot of candy when it's Easter. And I got some money too! Which I really needed.

I was about to tell my mother about my piercing, because earlier today I just wanted to lay outside the house in my bikini. But of course I couldn't. We'll see how I'll do about that...

I'm hoping there's something good on TV today, cause I'm quite bored actually. And I don't really feel up to watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, which I started watching before dinner.

I saw it the other day, it was really good actually. You should definitely see it!

This Good Friday

I feel I've been neglecting this again, but maybe I wrote yesterday? I don't know.

But today was a pretty happening free day. The break is almost over and I haven't studied at all! Horrible. I really should start, at least read in my book!
I woke up right before nine o'clock I think. And I spend a lot of hours in my bed, watching a movie, eating breakfast, just doing nothing really. But then I got up and went to the golf course, we played a little and then we got back home. I tidied a little and then I've been sitting by my computer just letting the time pass. Really, I don't know what I've done. I've been eating dinner in between though. Soon I'll be watching TV, there are some shows I'd like to watch.

Happy Easter, everybody!

Just a little picture of some Easter candy. It's from last year, but...



There's absolutely no swimwear in stores yet! What's up with that? Don't you want to be ahead of everybody else? I found some, but not much and nothing that looked good. But I'm not in a hurry. Really. Oh this is hard! And I understand that this makes no sense at all and I'm sorry about that. Just wanted to write so I don't fall back in to my old bad habits.


Today I woke up at eleven. Really late to be me. But it's nice sleeping, since I don't really do that at night anymore. It's already Tuesday evening and the break is quickly passing by as always. But today I've actually done something. I've studied a little bit. I read in my book for 30 minutes. And I strongly believe that the more I read the more I will want to read it even though I'm quite convinced I won't finish it in time. It's so thick!!

And on top of my studying, I cleaned my grandmothers house. It's was quite tough actually. It seems as though she has no air conditioning what so ever! But it was nice doing her a favor. And I got some money, really I didn't want them because I just wanted to help her, but at the same time I need money so I took it anyway. I'm using it to buy a new piercing jewelry. I'm planning on going there tomorrow and let them have a look on the healing and let them help me replace the jewelry. Maybe I'll get a red stone, I've been thinking about it and my friend S always think the one I have is red, so.
   And while I'm in the city I might as well look for a swimsuit. I've been checking a little on the internet but I haven't really found anything yet. And today, when I companied my mother looking for a new bike I snuck in to a clothing store for like two seconds. I saw a cute bikini, white with black stripes. I don't know what it costs or anything but if I see it again tomorrow I'll definitely have a look.

It's really hard for me to be in clothing stores right now. Cause normally I shop a little every month, since I always have money that I don't use in any other way anyway. But now, when I'm saving everything that comes in I can't buy anything! It's really hard. Cause I want new clothes, new shoes, new accessories. But I'm restraining my self by love so I'll make it through. But the bikini (and maybe some lingerie) I really need so I'm excuses this time.

And I've been thinking. About this job situation, it's really no emergency or anything anymore, but I've been thinking about maybe cleaning peoples houses. I can put up some advertisements and stuff. Maybe?

Well well

So my father and I went to the golf course and played a few holes. Considering my lack of focus and motivation it went well. It felt stabile. But the lack of colour on the golf course was depressing. No green spots were to be found on the whole course! The grass was even and way better than you can expect this early in the season. But a little green! Hello? That isn't too much to ask for, is it? It'll be here soon, I know, but it still wasn't fun.

So I got back home and felt the need to really push myself so I went out running. I didn't run that far, and not fast at all. But I was really tired, indicating that I should run more often. And I really came face to face with why it is I don't smoke, I couldn't proceee my dreams if I did, cause it makes it so hard to breath when you're exercising. So I will not, as I promised a certain person. Oh, you missed my crave for nicotine? Well, I was really stressed and wanted to smoke. But I got the support I needed not to do it.

Well, I will write tomorrow. I promise, even though I might not have anything to write. I'm thinking about going to my grandmothers to help her clean her house. (I sound like such a good granddaughter, haha)

New path for my future

I know it has been a long time. All my inspiration seems to have gone out the window. But I will get better, I promise.

Anyway, I played golf in Skåne last week. It was really fun and it went really well so I feel really optimistic about this season and I'm really excited for it to begin so that I can show everyone, including my self, what I'm really capable of.

And I think I've laid out the path for my future. I want to play golf. And I'll do this in Tunisia for a while. Yes, you heard me. I will go back and play golf there and I will try to enter the big competitions and make money. And who knows, maybe it's the best thing to do?

Well, anyway. You'll probably hear from me later, cause it's Easter Break and I have nothing to do.

Isn't it nice? How about spending a year there?

Le Oliviér

RSS 2.0