Back in cold Sweden

I'm back from Tunisia. It lived up to expectations and gave some new experiences I never expected. I've made a few video blogs that I'll put up here, if I understand how to, and I have a lot of photos. So, that's all I can say for now.

Going soon

I won't write in a while now. It's a little less than two hours until we're leaving. My aunt's picking us up. I'm starting to get a little bit nervous. This is my first time out of Europe, which I just discovered. Discovered, well I haven't thought about it before. I don't know if that's so big but it's sure fun to see more of the world every time you travel. That makes it kind of boring going back to Great Britain this spring, we went to Scotland last year.

I'm not sure I'm allowed to bring my computer, but internet won't work anyway so it doesn't really matter. I guess I'll leave it. There's so much to think about. Have I remembered everything? I have remembered things I normally forget, such as something to sleep in. I have to get my sunglasses. Nail polish! Can you bring that on the plane? So much to think about!

Well, I guess I'll see you in a week, I will take loads of pictures and probably write down things so that I can remember it for years. This will be great!


I wasn't going to write so long today, I was just going to tell you that I'm packing. But I just read an e-mail from my coaches and it said that I'm chosen to play a golf competition in March. I don't know why, but it wasn't like the best players so I guess they chose me out of pity for not playing any other competitions. No, I don't know, but it'll be fun and I'm glad they did. I actually get to play something real, and no matter if it's an easy competition I still get to go. And at the end of last season there were two competitions, and I was really sad because I didn't get to go to any of them. But this year I've worked real hard, and I'm going to Tunisia tomorrow, so maybe I have improved a lot till then. I sure hope so.

Finding a dream

Trying to find yourself in this world is not easy. Everyone keeps telling you follow your dreams, but it's not that easy. I understand that the persons saying it has done it, but they are often one out of a few people who actually made it. I want to do a lot of things. I want to model, I want to draw, I want to design and I want to play golf. But all of those things are so hard to advance professionally in. It's possible, but not likely. Not only do you have to be exceptionally good, you have to have the right conditions too. You might have to advertise yourself, or know the right people. Maybe have some sort of education on how to start. There's a lot of things that counts.

But you can make it, don't give up!

Homepage and sparetime

I created a homepage yesterday: I don't know what for really, there was an offer to try it out for free and I took it. You can check it out, even though I haven't really had time to do anything with it yet.

I have a few minutes before I leave for Farsta. I thought I was going to have to rush it at the end but as you can tell it was the other way around. I was pretty upset yesterday when I wrote, but it all worked out. But that doesn't mean that I'm particularly happy to get up before 5 AM. But it wasn't so hard. I'll probably fall asleep on the train.

Well, duty's calling so I'll talk to you later - during my break from studying for an exam tomorrow. Will it never end?


Time goes by so quickly. All my free time is used for studying and resting from studying. There's absolutely no time for me to pack my things and the fact that it's still unreal makes it hard for me to set aside time for packing.

I'm leaving on Friday! That's in three days! Can you believe it? I can't.

Nice, isn't it? It is worth waiting for.


I'm really stressed out right now. And no, it's not over school this time. Or technically it is, but. Well, the situation is this: We're going to Farsta tomorrow, it's this golf thing and we're supposed to take the train. But no one that I can get a hold of knows when we're going and I don't know what to do. S isn't going with the train at all, so just that was horrible. But I have no idea who to talk to or what to do and I'm scared. I AM SCARED. There, I said it.

Writing - a life long dream

I don't know why but my computer's acting real strange at the moment. It runs extremely slow and sometimes doesn't go to the homepages I want it to. Today I want to speak about my goals in life.

Of course I have my less serious goals such as throwing a drink in someone's face and kicking a door in. I have those just for fun, and it's kind of mean really, but you have to be like that sometimes too.
   Okay, seriously. I want to write a book. I don't only want to write one book, I want to write several. Because most of all I want to be a writer. But I have to be realistic. I wouldn't be able to be a writer in the sense I would want to, cause that wouldn't earn me the money I need to live the life I want to. That's not a luxurious life, but it's a life without worrying about the bills, and have enough to allow oneself something good once in a while. Like a nice vacation and so.

To write a book I say is a reasonable goal. I write good enough, I don't even doubt that (and I have very low confidence). I understand it's hard to get it published and it's a lot of work to do not only writing it, which is hard enough. I'm going to write and publish numerous books in my lifetime. If I qualify as a writer or not is not really important to me.

I guess that's one of my few goals that are really deep. I get moments where I'm really into something, but it doesn't really stick. But writing a book. Oh, heaven.

Thank you for listening to my bullshit (excuse me for my rough words), I guess you don't even think I'm capable of writing a book cause you haven't seen any quality in these texts. But you'll see. I will get published.

How the h*** does the Flying Shuttle work?

My feelings haven't really changed since last night. It took me a while to fall asleep. And this morning I had planned to take a nice shower, but the water was ice cold. Thanks, family. I mean, even if someone does shower, how long showers can you take in the morning for all the warm water to disappear? But I had to wash my hair so I had to do it - in cold water. Horrible.

I'm sitting here with my note pad in front of me. I have a presentation in History tomorrow. I actually have one in Social Studies as well but let's talk about the History for now. It's only a three minute presentation, so it shouldn't be that big of a deal, right? But the person I'm portraying is John Kay, an inventor from the industrial revolution. He invented the Flying Shuttle. I have found some information about how it works, but I don't understand. Did I mention it's tomorrow?

Can you see why I'm all stressed out?

School wears me out

It's late Sunday evening and I don't really want to go to bed. It'd be good sleeping and all that but everybody knows that Sundays are followed by Mondays and I'm not up to it right now. It's good that next week's a break but right now it feels very distant. And it bugs me that the last week always comes with a thousand things to do. Why is that? Torture us while you have the chance?

My motivation right now has hit rock bottom. And it's strange, reinstalling the plans of going to college and all. I want to go to college after graduating from high school. I wanted that before but put the plans aside when I faced reality. I guess that's why it's not a good enough reason. I don't think it'll happen. If I were to apply, I need to lower my score section with like ten strokes, that's a whole lot of strokes to go down one season (I would apply with this seasons scores), I don't think it's even possible and my grades are not good enough. Period. This is not even me being negative, it's facts. It's just, no matter how hard I try this won't happen. I've tried all year and I'm so sick of it. I hate it in school, and that makes it hard to put in an effort, but I'm doing it anyway but it just doesn't pay off. I'm so emotionally and physically drained and it doesn't even pay off.

Sorry for the negativity guys, I'm just so tired and in such a bad place right now. I'm trying to stay positive but sometimes it's just hard. But se should always try and I feel like I constantly am so that ought to count for something, right?

Longing for summer

I woke up today thinking it was summer! Oh, how wonderful it was! I was dreaming of golf, I was playing and it was just great. And when I woke up the sun that hit my face felt like the sun of the summer. But it wasn't. I know time will pass quickly, but not quick enough! At least I get to go to the warmth in less than a week! It's amazing. But first I have a long and intense school week to go through.

This is the look of tomorrows night, when we went to my grandmother for dinner. It's the dress from SALT.

A little less money

Friday night is here! Earlier, I wrote a to do list. Shall we see how far I've come?

2. I have washed my cat, at least once. I'm doing it again before I go to bed.

3. I did go shop! I bought the dress, from SALT, and I bought a pair of jeans from Indiska, and from H&M I got both a pair of shorts and a sleeveless shirt. And on the way home we brought a cup of tea that we enjoyed on the train. And I did not fall asleep - which is a huge success considering it was sort of the first time.

4. I have not watched a movie yet, and maybe I won't watch a movie, I might just watch a comic on We'll make it cozy no matter what.

So I declare this Friday the thirteenth a successful day without horror and misfortunes. And I did see my old friend J on the subway, but she didn't see me so we didn't say hello. She was pretty far away, so.

To do:

My math was cancelled today so I'm already home and it's only noon.

So, what does this Friday thirteenth has in store for me?
1. Go to school (did that, we celebrated Valentine's day which is tomorrow)
2. Clean my cats wound (I've done it once, but I have two or three times left to do)
3. Shop (going in to the city to meet my sis and shop, there's a cute dress at salt that I think I'm going to get)
4. Cozy with tea, movies and muffins (muffins is cupcakes but more Swedish, although mine doesn't taste like either of them)

That's it. I was supposed to sit at seven eleven and drink a cup of tea and study, waiting for my sister. But since I got to quit school early I went home instead and now I don't have to wait for her. so we'll se about the studying.

But one thing I'm not going to do today is to have bad luck. I think it's good luck to not have math, so maybe I've broken the curse. Have the best weekend!

my morning spare time

I had to do so many things this morning beside my normal routine. I had to wash the cats wound, I had to clean my fingers from excess nail polish and things like that. And I also miscalculated the time so the last few minutes were really stressful, but I made it, and then my mother says: "Didn't you want to ride with me?" Like, what? When did she offer me a ride? But of course I accepted it once I'd heard it and now I have nothing to do. I've petted my cat for a while, and now I'm writing here, but it won't do. I still have quite a lot of time to do absolutely nothing on. In this case, I'm not sure that's a good thing. I could have slept way longer than I did!

Okay, I'm not going to complain, I am getting a ride to school. I feel that's quite a luxury. Not to everyone, but to me.

Sort of a day off

Today we didn't go to school like normal. Most of us went to Romme to ski, but me and J and A took a walk to Domarudden with my dog and J's dog. It wasn't the most fun thing you can do, but it wasn't boring. And we didn't have to go to school, I got to sleep a bit longer this morning and we got some fresh air. Right now my cat's rubbing his head against my computer and his so cute. Oh, now he left.

I actually took some pictures, but I haven't uploaded them on the computer yet, so. Maybe I'll add them later. I'm really tired so I think I'll just read my book for a while, I should probably eat dinner too, but I don't know what I want to eat so we'll see how I'll do with that.


I just got back from school, it ended with a really hard German test. I wasn't surprised though, cause they tend to always be that hard. But when I was walking from the train I got really mad. I walk on a bigger road because that's the fastest way home. And some of the cars that drive pass me drive so freaking close! It's scary, it feels like they're going to bump into me. And what do I do? Jump off the road and in to the mud. Nice, really. I know I shouldn't walk there, but I am allowed to! So why don't they just drive a bit further from me? It's not like we met another car or something either. I just can't understand the drivers. Many of them anyway.

And I'm baking cupcakes. Swedish cupcakes, not thick, glazed American cupcakes. So I'm going to dedicate everything to that now, and let my anger fade away.

don't hurt my cat!

When I came home this afternoon I found my cat with a big scratch on his nose. And when I looked more closely I also thought it was a bit swollen. I just got back from practice and my cat was still lying in my bed, that mere fact is enough to chock me, and his nose was definitely swollen and it wasn't a little, I can tell you that. We better get him ensured soon cause this is not the first time. I have at least cleaned the wound and we can just keep or fingers crossed that it'll ease down on its own. But my hopes aren't high.

I'd better hit the shower, even though we're out of hot water since both my sisters has used it before me.

My cat, before "the accident". Love <3


It wasn't as hard as I thought, getting up at 5.30. Afterwards, I skipped school (which you really shouldn't do!) and headed in to the city. And I got to meet my trainers son! He's like a few months and really tiny and he was sleeping the whole time. My trainer said he looks just like he looked at that age. But don't parents always say that?

And I'm getting ready for practice, it's just that I actually have this school thing I should attend. Some lady's going to talk about her expedition to Arctic and the life of polar bears ore something. But I can't go, cause I don't feel too well and I think that I will feel a lot better going to practice than going to school, and I have to prioritize my health.

After today I have a lot of studying to catch up, and It's overwhelming. I feel tired just thinking of it. But I'll take the train ride to relax with my book. I couldn't read it on my way home because it was so sad and I started crying, something I don't like doing on a train filled with people.


Early morning

It's up, up, up early tomorrow, as I said. But at least I got to sleep today. I have done my homework, I've left the things I couldn't understand. And I haven't got time for anything else. I came home, vacuum cleaned downstairs, went up to my room and began my studies, wrote on my blogg, took a break for dinner, came back up to study, watched Design: Simon & Thomas, and did the rest of the homework. I can assure it wasn't easy. Those rules are really complicated.

And don't know why, I'm quite chocked actually, but my cat is lying on my bed. He never does that, he usually hates my bed and my room. But he is here voluntarily too, which never happens. Sometimes I can convince him to sleep with me or so, but like this, it just doesn't happen.

Oh, well. I'd better enjoy it while it lasts and go lay down next to him. I have to get up early anyway.

R&A Rules of Golf

I'm studying, but not like usual. Last week we got an assignment at the golf rule education. We got a paper with different happenings and we're supposed to know what's the right way to solve them or if they're according to the rules and such. I forgot the Rules book but there's a page where you can look at it online, but my computer has decided to be really slow so it's frustrating as well as it's already hard and boring on top of it. And it's due tomorrow, we're leaving at seven so I have to get up before six. It's not like I'm longing for it. I don't want to go anyway.
   But I'll give it another go. I'll bring some treats to make it easier to go through.

I'll write some more later!

Vaccines and passports

I just drank this really horrible vaccine. We're preparing for Tunisia. That's where we're going in two weeks! It wasn't as disgusting as I expected it to be, but I feel like puking. It's the aftertaste that's just dreadful. I feel like throwing up. I can't eat or drink for an hour so the tea I had is just getting colder and colder and I can't drink it. And by the way, I read in the newspaper that they haven't done enough studies to confirm it's affectivity yet.

Yesterday we decided to find our passports and put them somewhere we will be sure to find them when it's time to go. We did find them, but my mother has a little problem. Her passport is only valid until June this year. And for some stupid reason it has to be valid for at least 6 months after you arrive back in Sweden. How stupid is that? If you're traveling inside Europe it has to be valid for three months.

I can understand why they would have a short period, but six months? It's a little unnecessary I think. So hopefully it'll work out anyway. She has to call the embassy and ask what do to, maybe she can get some sort of permit anyway or have time to get a new passport. It's by far the dumbest thing I have ever heard.

The room is FINITO!

It's done! I'm quite happy, even though I did nothing like I planned it. I did take some pictures.

The bed ended up being like it was when I first got it, insted of standing in the opposite corner.  

This is where the bed used to be. But I like it this way.

I organized my bookshelf, it's amazing how bad I've been feeling over how ugly it used to be. I threw out a lot of books and now I only have approved books.

The original plan was to move my desk, but it's attached to the wall and it's position isn't that bad so I just cleaned it.

In case you wondered about the stuffed animals under the desk it's just an idea I got from an interior design magazine, where she had this really cozy rug to have her feet on. I did the same but with my lions and my leopard rug.

I got jealous of my sisters pictures that her friend drew her so I put two pictures on the wall, one that I've drawn myself and one of Elisabeth Taylor. The pictures a bit blurry but you'll have to excuse me!

The only thing I feel is missing, is a long- pile rug, right there on the floor. I'm hoping for a trip to IKEA soon.

I hope you like it, I know I do. And now I have to spend an hour or so studying. In this world there's no time to rest. Hope to see you soon!


And it's begun. The Eurovision Song Contest - Sweden's audition. I didn't really like any of the songs. Emilia's was okay, and it came second, the first song, can't remember it's name, was good but it was voted out.

Now I'm going to watch Without a Trace so I better hurry up so I won't miss the beginning. My room is almost done but not completely, and I feel stressed out cause I haven't studied anything today. I can't read this through so I apologize for all the mistakes I might have made.

A new room

At the moment I'm having a break from my big project this weekend. Redecorating my room! I've finished the cleaning part and I've moved some furniture out, so it's located in the hall for now. I will show you some pictures when it's done, but I'm not sure that'll be today.

And tonight is the first competition in Melodifestivalen! I had no idea who was going to perform until this morning, cause they were all in the newspaper. It'll be fun but unfortunately there's no Kristian Luuk this year, and no Björn Gustafsson as pause entertainment. But last year I didn't even know he was going to do that until like five minutes before the show. And it has been good in the past.
   I'm not a big fan of Petra Mede either, she's the host this year. But I'm very open and I won't be judgmental about her. But if I still won't like her, I will complain.

I've finished my lunch (almost) so I will get back to my room! You will hear from me later today because I will tell you how I feel about the contestants and their songs!

Till then: Enjoy life!

Love yourself!

Every time I see one of the good people feel bad, I mean deep down, in the soul, in the heart, at the bottom, I feel this pressure on my chest. I know the feeling so well but I still can't understand what goes on in their heads. You see, when I used to feel bad it was because of the way I was. My personality and the consequences that was evolving because of it. And when I see all these people, who are so beautiful from the inside out, feel bad, I don't know what to do.

I know how I am, I know my personality and I didn't distort anything, back when I used to feel like that. I knew how things were, but with all these people; It's like they got it all wrong, because they are wonderful people who does not deserve to feel the way they do.

You are all worth something better and don't ever believe otherwise. Try to appreciate the ones who love you and distance you from the ones that makes it worse!


I've realized I've written numerous times while eating breakfast, or after just finishing it. So I decided to show a picture of it. If you want further information on what it is, you can ask me, but I think the picture says it all. And it's only two weeks till I'm going out of the country! Till it's a break, no school. Warmth, golf, no studying - what more can you ask for? Not too much. And I'm glad that I'm not sharing a room with my parents, I get my own room! It doesn't make a big difference, but a little. Oh, it's going to be so fun!!

But now I'm going to watch Girl: Interrupted with my sister. It's a really good movie, you should definitely see it.

My breakfast. And yeah, it says my name on the cup =)

Sorry, sis!

Okay, I had written the longest text just now, and just as I was doing the finishing touches, like correcting the spelling and stuff, I erased it. It wasn't intentionally, of course!

It said something like this:

The funniest thing happened this morning! Right after I posted the latest text I went downstairs to put my jacket and shoes on. There's still eight minutes before the time we set out for them to come pick me up. So my sister T comes down the stairs, telling me there's a big car by the road. And I know that S has a big car. So I barge in to my other sisters room, from where I can see the road. And there it is, S's car. And as I hurry, I hear a voice saying: "You thought it was time for me to get up, or what?" At first, I thought it was all in my head, but then I realized it wasn't. My sister apparently was at home, sleeping. I woke her up and I really was too focused on the road to even notice she was lying in her bed! Very rude. But hey, she wasn't happy and I got a morning laugh out of it. I guess it was worth it.

And then I wrote a little about practice. We were at the gym, as I said, with a personal trainer. She was good, I think, and she had really good looking arm and back muscles. She showed us some exercises with free weights. Of course, it was all related to golf. But you know what, they're good for anyone.

Now I got to go make dinner so that I will have time to eat before practice (yeah, I'm not finished for today yet)
Bye! (I'm going to try not to erase this one)

On my way home from school!

The Gym

Thursday morning, I'm sitting waiting for S to come pick me up. They were supposed to be here in about five minutes, but I got a text saying they'll come in twenty. That's really a good thing, cause then we won't have to wait outside by the gym so long, but I have a lot of spare time now. Not that I consider that to be something negative. I have already read through half of the chapter they're testing us on this afternoon.

I am going to the gym, even though my throat is still soar. I think it's worse, even. And it's probably not such a good idea, but I promise to take it easy. I didn't think about it last night. It's just such a routine, I mean, it is part of my schedule so. I'm glad we don't have PE today. Or we do, actually, but only theory.

So, let's hit the gym!

Going sick?

I was planning on playing a basketball game this evening, but I have a soar throat so I'm going to golf practice instead. It'll be fun, it's relaxed and I won't have to go so far to get there. I was kind of excited to play basketball though.

And you know how I said I would order clothes from H&M? Well, the other day I went in to another clothing store and I found this really cute dress and a cardigan! I mean, how can you do this to me? I will be totally broke if this goes on! I guess I'll check them out and decide if I will buy them or not tomorrow. And by the way, I have a test tomorrow. In Nature Science. I should go back to study before practice.

Good luck at the basketball game, team!


Hey, guess what? I'm not sitting at my own computer today. Oh my god. No, I'm just kidding, it's no big deal. It's hard to type, cause I'm not used to this keyboard, but the screen's a lot bigger and that's great.

I was only looking up when my train departures, my computer is upstairs so. I'm ordering some clothes from H&M by the way, a cardigan, a pair of shorts, a dress and a skirt. I think that's it, but it's quite a lot of money just disappearing.

Oh, well. I've got to go change - basketball practice is coming up!

The sixth week of the Year 2009

My room is ice cold!!!! I'm sitting on my bed, hiding under a blanket with new polished nails. This morning we had this golf thing with the other authorized High Schools. I only recognized two of them and it wasn't particularly informing either. But I got to skip English and half of the PE lesson. And I got the disgusting lunch for free too. It was really disgusting.

I've been studying till an English exam we have tomorrow. I'm not worried about it, cause I think I know the words and English is not exactly a subject I have problems with.

Hey, we're one week closer to the end. Let's just keep on fighting!

Eat better?

It's almost 9 pm and as my hectic life is evolving I'm soon going to bed. I almost can't take it anymore, but then again I'm not trying hard enough. If I work out more, my energy will go up. And my body will function better, because the right training provides that.
   I just finished my weekly report and I have just analyzed this problem there. I was thinking it might help if I eat better, so I will try to talk to people about that to see what I should do. I will start with my golf coach. Cause he's the one reading my reports and if he sees me trying to change what I talk about it might earn me some extra points.

Now I will go on with my busy and tiring life and watch Sex and the City, which is on TV right now, judging from the sound of it.

Good Night!

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