[Papperstrassel]

It's late Sunday evening and I don't really want to go to bed. It'd be good sleeping and all that but everybody knows that Sundays are followed by Mondays and I'm not up to it right now. It's good that next week's a break but right now it feels very distant. And it bugs me that the last week always comes with a thousand things to do. Why is that? Torture us while you have the chance?

My motivation right now has hit rock bottom. And it's strange, reinstalling the plans of going to college and all. I want to go to college after graduating from high school. I wanted that before but put the plans aside when I faced reality. I guess that's why it's not a good enough reason. I don't think it'll happen. If I were to apply, I need to lower my score section with like ten strokes, that's a whole lot of strokes to go down one season (I would apply with this seasons scores), I don't think it's even possible and my grades are not good enough. Period. This is not even me being negative, it's facts. It's just, no matter how hard I try this won't happen. I've tried all year and I'm so sick of it. I hate it in school, and that makes it hard to put in an effort, but I'm doing it anyway but it just doesn't pay off. I'm so emotionally and physically drained and it doesn't even pay off.

Sorry for the negativity guys, I'm just so tired and in such a bad place right now. I'm trying to stay positive but sometimes it's just hard. But se should always try and I feel like I constantly am so that ought to count for something, right?